this morning

So I am not a morning person, at least not usually. I mean if I had J.Cole in the morning, I would be a morning person...But I don't...I have my mom, my daughter and my mom's mom, also my mother, to wake up to, in the morning.

Well, I sometimes have coffee, which I make with cinnamon and cardamon and hot milk. Usually sweetened with maple syrup, sometimes coconut sugar. And that helps make me a morning person, but ideally...I would have hot water with lemon and a shot of ginger from the juicer. God bless me. But I know an orgasm would be a good way to start the day. I also know that being chaste, is a method of self- preservation, so God bless me.

I guess life for me, without having any formed social bonds, is more about me than my relationships. Something about social processes don't excite me, like they are supposed to. I guess once you've experienced despair and real true regret, nothing comes from that. And making nothing into something, isn't a socially acceptable ideal. After all, society values progress. Society emphasizes the importance of having something, and getting more. Middle finger to that. I love life for its complex stillness and its rare beauty. I love that feeling that you get when you can't name the spark of the divine in your repertoire of emotinal intelligence , you can't fit the exact label onto the feeling of manifesting life. It's just life, and for that reason I wake up in the morning, and I laugh at my kid who would rather stay home and be here with me than go to school. She would rather shave her head than have me oil and pull through braids. Or my grandma, who keeps calling out to God to end her life, and looking at me and saying take care of the baby, meaning, she has become a baby. Or my mom who knowingly puffs on a cigarette despite her bones aching her, moving far beyond time into her role as a daughter, a mother and a grandmother. You see, all those things happening at the same time, they remind me that chaos is sometimes the fruit of humanity. And this reminds me that it's okay to see beyond the veil. To know that the systems invented for social customs, aren't the design order. Beyond chaos I see the strength. And well. I may not manifest the reasons to go beyond, I know damn well who the fuck I am, And that's a good morning. I did't mean to cusz.

nigga xo